Dating Perfection
When the Resume is perfect, but you can’t get that lovin’ feelin’
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His Loveawake profile was dating perfection, a complete résumé with everything I could want. So, why couldn’t I get that lovin’ feelin’?
* A teacher
* Divorcee for years, with a no drama relationship with an ex-wife, who was remarried
* Active Parent; 50% custody of his son
* World traveler
* Home Owner
* Good Looks
* Witty; smart-ass sense of humor (a plus in my book)
I discovered after several late night phone calls that we had the same taste in movies, music and food. All of which are essentials in my book. I agreed to our first “date”, mid-morning coffee.
He arrived exactly on time and was more handsome in person than in his profile pic. Points scored. He was warm and charming without being smarmy. I was thrilled. The coffee mini-date ended with mutual agreement to see each other again (no date/time set) and parted with a mutual smile. He scored some serious points. This was the first Match meet-up where I looked forward to the follow-up call. No swooning but saw definite potential.
He called on cue, two days later, to invite me out to dinner. We agreed to meet at the restaurant. It happened to be one of my local favs (he didn’t know that). He must have arrived slightly early, as I arrived right on time and he was right outside the door waiting for me. He looked even more handsome, shedding Saturday morning casual, for a more “put-together” Friday evening look. More points scored.
We went to a Thai restaurant, where he ordered in Thai, not to show off, well maybe a little, but to practice. You see he goes to Thailand every summer and needed to keep in practice. It’s something to see, a 6 ft. 3 white, blond haired, blue eyed guy speaking Thai, fluently. I gave him a little shit for being a show off, which he laughed at, appreciated and quickly dished a little quip back at me. More points scored!
We shared a wonderful evening, never dull and very comfortable. Even the moments of silence weren’t awkward. We ended the evening with a cocktail and as we were saying our goodbyes, he leaned in for the good night kiss. He delivered a perfect little kiss on the lips; the perfect end to a perfect evening. An evening that should have left me weak in the knees and with butterflies fluttering; however, I felt nothing. No sweaty palms, no dry mouth, nothing. I drove home wondering what was wrong with me. Why didn’t my boat float? Where were the fireworks? The fireworks and butterflies are my favorite part of the dating pastime.
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Am I broken? Do I need to seek professional help? Is there a pill for this? If so, sign me up because there must be something wrong with me to feel, well, nothing. I carried on in denial for several more dates. I figured that if I just “will” it hard enough, the butterflies would migrate into my soul. The fireworks would appear. Yet, after each perfect date with this wonderful man it became clearer that the migration would never happen. No matter how much I wanted to burn with desire, I never felt so much as a spark. After the fifth date, I called it off. He told me and I could see very clearly, that the spark was there for him. I didn’t want to be a tease or waste his time. I would love to have continued to go out with him as a friend, but that was not what he was looking for, nor is it what he wanted from me.
So, why? What happened? To tell you the truth, I’m not really sure. I’ve had friends suggest that maybe I was trying to want something that society says is “perfect” and should want, rather than what I truly am attracted too. Maybe, it was my guts way of preventing me from entering a relationship that would never have worked out. Whatever the reason, the thing I know for sure, that this experience has taught me, is that the spark either happens or it doesn’t. You can’t manufacture feelings for someone that just aren’t there…no matter how hard you try. You either get that lovin’ feelin’ or you don’t!