Being a confident chick naturally invites some turning heads. Being aware of your hotness on its own comes with a certain mentality, but are we too wrapped up in our pretty little heads? When a stranger of the opposite sex does something nice for us, we seem to be quick to assume that he wants us. So how do we differentiate from the plain-Jane (John) nice guys and the guys who are being nice as a means to an end? We seem to shamelessly confuse attention with intention. But can’t a guy just be nice and make non-committal convo? Are we all just narcissists?

A guy friend of mine told me that he was at a bar on the weekend, went up to a girl he knew from high school to say hi and when he went up to her, she replied by saying “I’m not interested,” before walking away. Now I know this girl. Actually, I know her all too well as she is a good friend of mine. Is she hot as hell? Yes. But is she a cold-hearted, conceited bitch? Not at all. But despite that, she gave off that impression to my poor friend (the typical nice guy) who just wanted to chat since she was standing alone and he was waiting for a friend. Tough luck.

So where did she go wrong?

After spending an evening at a random bar, random boys went up to her offering everything from drinks to their beds and she was fed up. So naturally she assumed if yet another guy was talking to her, he would only be interested in that. It’s not like you see the lovey dovey guys floating around at bars just waiting to find their ‘One’.

What can we collectively learn from the above tale?

Don’t make assumptions. It’s so easy to write someone off and put up a wall in order to self-protect. But maybe the guy who comes up to us at the bar to say hi really just wants to make pleasant conversation and call it a day. Bars are places that invite people of all kinds to come out and socialize. If you tell yourself that every guy there just wants to hook up with you, you’re really limiting yourself. A conversation is harmless. If he’s a pig, you can walk away with dignity and knowingness that you didn’t miss out on great convo and a few laughs.

There are many times when I am sure, like myself, you fall prey to thinking that someone is into you. In turn, you may end up embarrassing yourself like my friend did this weekend at the bar, blowing off a guy who wasn’t even interested. Ladies, unless boy point-blank asks you on a date or for your number, chances are you’re living in a narcissistic little fantasyland. Don’t overstay your welcome there.